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On Potato Salad And Doing The Nasty
“There is no other way of moving! If until now you were used to moving along roads and sidewalks, forget it! From now on we all walk through walls!”Let him keep the moneyand the potato salad.“The heart...
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Rewriting is Redemption: Blue Highways’ Rich and Lonely Roads
First, a cliché: Man grows older. Man grows restless. Man falls out of love with his job, his home, and his city. Approaching forty, man decides to set out “into America,” whatever that means, with...
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Cheaters Often Prosper: The Inverse Relationship Between Integrity and...
In 1991, the FBI ran a background check on Steve Jobs, who was being considered for a position on President George H. W. Bush’s Export Council. Of the more than 29 people the FBI interviewed, each...
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The Global Matriarchy of 2047 Will Need an Anthem: Beyoncé and Jay Z, Live in...
Before the Toronto date of their outlaw-themed On the Run tour, I fantasized about Beyoncé tying Jay Z to a chair, only removing his gag when she needed a guest verse for “Upgrade U” or “Crazy in...
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A Moment of Humanizing Representation
Forget the Emmy nominations—what television show has the best opening credits? “The writers’ room has taken its place alongside NASA’s control room and the New York Stock Exchange trading floor as one...
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The Long Shadow of Hillsborough
This year, the 25th after of the Hillsborough disaster, has been one of ongoing mourning. On the anniversary in April, Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard dedicated an emotional victory to the 96 victims,...
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The Great Indoors: Your Next Farm
If you look for it, you’ll find that certain conservative dailies on this planet have made a small cottage industry of republishing reports that caged animals are, in fact, healthier than free-range...
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Celebrating War in Sarajevo
Sarajevo was a funny, ambivalent, kind place during the week surrounding the 100th anniversary of the assassination that got the ball rolling on the First World War.It was, potentially, the biggest...
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Beating Writer’s Block, Forty Years of Dungeons and Dragons, and Teeth You...
“I draped my pants over my shoulder and put my shoes on my hands and when I tried to grab my shirt I saw the woman who had been clucking her tongue had it in her hand and she and a man from inside of...
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Helen Keller’s Self-Perception
Helen Keller was beautiful. I don’t mean that she had a beautiful soul; I mean that she was, by conventional standards, a total babe. She had “regular, almost perfect features and blue eyes that were...
View ArticleLake Havasu
Detectives discovered a divot in the sapling where the killer tested his garrote, improvised from baling wire.He’d been casting for necks when I stepped off the bus this morning, moist towel of...
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Desperately Seeking Someone to Blame for the Rental Crisis
In the depths of the latest US recession, Wall Street had a brain wave: buy up all of those houses that were now conveniently worthless thanks to the financial crisis Wall Street itself had caused and...
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The Convenient Myth of the Rosetta Stone
Imperialism has fallen fairly sharply out of fashion in the last century or so. Still, while no one is here to praise Caesar, humanity’s better angels have managed to suck some marrow from the bones...
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Remembering Nadine Gordimer And Listening To A Drake Acolyte
“I don’t make such judgments about people. After all, I’m a white colonial woman myself, of colonial descent,” Nadine Gordimer once told The Paris Review. “Perhaps I know us too well through myself....
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Bo Knows: Inventing the Ultimate Pitchman
It was a silly idea in the first place, this two-word mantra, proper noun followed by verb, and like most silly ideas, it came to Jim Riswold in the middle of the night. But then, advertising is a...
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Should People Just Sing in Their Own Accents?
It was said that actor Peter Sellers so excelled at his craft because he had no identity of his own—he simply became whoever he was playing. This tidbit goes through my mind often as, almost out of my...
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The Hazlitt Offensive: Linda Holeman
Linda Holeman is the Winnipeg-raised author of the bestselling historical novels The Linnet Bird, The Moonlit Cage, and The Saffron Gate. Her most recent novel is The Devil on Her Tongue. She now lives...
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Manic Pixie Dream Bee Gees
What do your retweets say about you?“Claire was an unusually pure example of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl—a fancifully if thinly conceived flibbertigibbet who has no reason to exist except to cheer up one...
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Can Teachers and Students Afford Not to Cheat?
Under the right circumstances, everybody cheats. Like anyone else, the key question for a teacher is: can you convince yourself that cheating is the best possible course? Are you even, perhaps, helping...
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Should I Keep Being A Writer If I Can’t Pay My Rent?
Got a problem that’s got you feeling fucked if you do, fucked if you don’t? Send us your concerns and questions and Unfuck Yourself. Before starting this week’s column, I discussed with my editor what...
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